How do I show my child that I love them? I’ve been dealing with this question ever since I dealt with the subject of unconditional parental love. In this article, I would like to introduce you to the four “cornerstones” of unconditional parental love with which you can show your child that you love them unconditionally.

Do I really love my kid unconditionally?
In this article, I am concerned with the question of what unconditional parental love actually means. To love unconditionally means to love without expecting, without making claims, without judging, and without wanting to change anyone. Of course, all parents love their children as they are, unconditionally. At least that’s what we think. But is it really like that? And do our children feel our unconditional love too?

Children’s love tank

Author Gary Chapman and child psychologist Ross Campbell wrote the book “The Five Languages ​​of Love for Children – How Children Express and Feel Love”. Every child speaks a different language of love, so to speak, and this is what parents need to find out. Unfortunately, parents often think that the children (must) understand the parents’ love language, but this is not the case. Only when parents learn the children’s language can their love tank be filled.

How do I show my child that I love them?
The child psychologist Ross Campbell writes in his book “Children are like a mirror” that one can show one’s children, unconditional parental love, through four behaviors:

– eye contact
– body contact
– conscious attention
– Discipline*

* I do not want to go into the point of discipline in this article, as it does not correspond to my ideas of unconditional parental love.

Eye contact

How often do we look at our children really deep in the eyes? For children, conscious eye contact is really important in order to feel “seen”. With small children, it often works wonders if you are at eye level while you are talking to them or want to tell them something. The message arrives completely differently with children when you go to them and tell them something at eye level with a direct look in the eyes. How often do we instead shout something after our children and wonder why they don’t “hear”?

Body contact

How often do we hug our children, stroke them over the shoulder or romp around with them? For children, physical contact is essential to feel loved. This begins with childbirth (keyword bonding) and reaches its climax shortly before puberty. Of course, it is more difficult to cuddle a budding teenager, but body contact does not mean cuddling for minutes, but rather making “active” contact. A child feels better noticed when you look them in the eye (with small children you can also get on your knees, i.e. at eye level) and touch them. Show your love to them sit with them and watch some their favourite cartoon on kissanime or some other streaming service. And if this is just the hand on the shoulder while listening to him or a hug with a few lovely words in between.

Conscious attention

If you give your child conscious attention, you also give him the most beautiful feeling of “being loved”. Children love it when their parents are there exclusively for them. And not only physically but also mentally. Because how often are we physically present but mentally somewhere else? Concentrated, conscious attention often doesn’t have to belong. A game or a conversation with full attention fills your child’s love tank. You want to know more about love check this too.

Show unconditional parental love

Often our children just walk with us in our lives. Of course, you have to do the household and other tasks, but it is up to you to set your priorities. Children whose love tank is not full often become unbearable in everyday life. They do not occupy themselves, are hanging on mum’s legs, are dissatisfied and whimpering. Instead of complaining yourself and rocking the situation up, you should rethink. Because let’s be honest: did it ever get better when we met our defiant child with counter-defiance? No.