Growing up before everyone had their own cell phone, I was not prepared for parenting in the smartphone age. When it was time to consider whether my children were ready for their own phones, I wasn’t sure where to start. After some trial and error and a little bit of research, I entrusted my kids with their own digital devices.
It wasn’t always easy, but I’ve learned a lot along the way. Today, I’m proud to say they each have struck a good balance between staying connected and limiting screen time. They have a healthy relationship with technology, even at a young age. If you’re thinking of getting your kid their first phone, here are three things I wish I would have known.
1. Set Usage Limits
When I was a kid, we had a family cell phone. We passed it between each other when we left the house. Sometimes we had to decide who was more in need of connectivity on the go. Today everyone has their phone on their person at all times. They’re generally expected to answer it no matter what is going on.
Because of this assumption of unlimited availability, phone usage can easily get out of hand, especially with kids. Phones are designed with dopamine-inducing sounds and haptics that can make prying the phone from their fingers a difficult task. Start your kids’ relationship with their phones off right by establishing usage limits that you both can agree on. If you’ve issued your child a kids phone with fewer distractions, you may have an easier time with this tactic.
No matter your choice, identify how long your kid is allowed to use their device. Check in regularly and review their phone’s usage report to gauge compliance with the limits you’ve set. If your child exceeds their limits, give them a chance to self-correct before disciplining them. This allows your child to self-regulate, which will help them manage their usage over time.
2. Identify the Risks and Rewards of Social Media
Social media is a relatively new communication medium. While your child’s favorite platform may change almost daily, social media is here to stay. A significant challenge for kids is that it blurs the boundaries between home and school. This has exacerbated the impact of cyberbullying.
Have a conversation with your child about social media, what the platforms do, and the pros and cons of each. It’s important to not vilify social media, as it may encourage your child to rebel. Instead, have an age-appropriate conversation about it and when you may be comfortable allowing them to use social media platforms.
When it comes to their phone, I found that eliminating social media from it was the best choice. Social media can be a great way to connect with others, but it’s also a distraction. My kids use very specific social media apps on our family computer in a supervised and timed environment. This works for our family.
3. Supervise Web Browsing
The Internet is full of amazing information as well as terrifying content. In our house, we implemented a rule that all internet browsing must be done from the family computer. This allows me to supervise my kids’ use while they complete their homework, play games, or socialize online.
Before we started, we sat down to discuss our expectations and shared that we would occasionally review their browsing history. We kept the arrangement loose in the beginning to give them the opportunity to follow the rules without too much oversight. It went well at first, but soon, our son was on a gaming site we weren’t comfortable with. Instead of taking away his internet access or phone privileges, we had a conversation about his choices.
We asked him what he thought we should do about his error. This really threw him for a loop because he was expecting to be in trouble. Instead, he offered the idea of giving him a second chance and asked for clarification on approved gaming sites.
This resulted in him feeling more empowered and trusted by us. We also were able to avoid a drawn-out argument and having him feel disrespected. At his age, he’s working on testing boundaries and is eager to feel grown-up. This exercise allowed him to feel empowered while reestablishing the rules we have about internet use.
Creating Balance in a Digital World
We’ve all seen the “screen zombie” kids when we go out to dinner. Screens are sometimes the savior when a toddler is throwing a fit at a family meal. But it’s not the culture we wanted to create at home. Instead we worked hard to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of screen technology as it applies to real life.
Instead of immediately seeking answers to questions online, we have a conversation about the issue or idea. Just last week, we were discussing what we wanted to eat. Instead of opening up my email or a cooking blog, I asked the kids to grab some of our cookbooks. We sat together and looked at the beautiful pictures and decided what we wanted to eat. They even wanted to cook with me!
It was a moment that otherwise would not have been possible had we just opened up our browsers. You can adopt this practice and identify ways to stay offline that make sense for your family. It may manifest by starting your day with a conversation instead of a news or entertainment app. Or it could be by reading a book or doing a puzzle after dinner instead of watching television. Use these tips to create balance in a screen-driven world, even when it’s time to introduce phones to your kids.
